Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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