Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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