That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
my shit smells like andre
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
