Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
well you can't waste a boner
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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