this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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