yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Randomize
