This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
