I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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