I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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