My Higher Power is John Stamos
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
