Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
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