Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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