i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
