i don't like sucking hair
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Blow job season was short but glorious.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
