He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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