i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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