she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
