If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize