Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
