Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
