I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
