to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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