My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
