watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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