but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Randomize
