Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
