maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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