I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize