we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
