He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
