I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
