at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Randomize
