I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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