i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I'm always down for nudity.
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