so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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