Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
