I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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