Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
