He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
