Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Randomize