he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
