Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
