I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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