I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize