So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
