FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Sorry about my life...
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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