I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
