Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
