i'm signing you up for texting rehab
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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