I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
