She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
