so that wasnt chicken after all
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
