I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
