is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
