He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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