We won't sleep together?
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
