The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
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