spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize