it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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