Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
