a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Randomize
