I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
