wanna go halves on a baby?
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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