dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
