kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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