i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
