so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
