I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
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