the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
